The move is done. All of my equipment and supplies are in the new shop and organized. I am set up to get to work, but something intangible is missing and I feel kind of sad and afraid.

I expected to be over the moon at this point. I have 5x the space I had before, with a little office and even my own bathroom. I have a giant roll door and 15 foot ceilings. Tons of floor space and room to grow my business in ways I had only been dreaming about. Everything I had wanted in a shop. So why am I not excited about it?

I’ve been trying to focus on this topic for the last week. I thought maybe it was just that the space needed some paint and decoration (to be freshened up a bit and make it mine), but the work is done. Everything looks really good, but the space feels “cold” both physically and emotionally. The little shop had something that this shop doesn’t have yet and I think I am homing in on what it is.

I grew both as an artist and as a person in that first tiny shop. It was totally inadequate in almost every way. It had one power plug and one lightbulb. It had no heat, no windows and all of the walls were covered in exposed insulation that you couldn’t hang anything on. It was a horrible space… But, it was mine. Despite all of the problems, I managed to start a small business there.

I had to put so many projects on hold because I just didn’t have the space to do it. I had to say no to so many opportunities. Now those limitations are gone, and all of the self talk that started “If only I had a real shop…” comes back to haunt me instead of making me excited. It’s like the little shop acted as a damper to keep me from growing too fast or taking on too many projects. It kept me from doing anything too risky or too big. Now that restraint has been removed and I am a bit afraid that I will try to do it all at once.

I guess that is part of the answer. The new shop is a graduation to the next level. It’s relatively unlimited opportunity and I am afraid of myself and my lack of ability to focus. I have a history of taking on too many projects at a time and burning myself out on all of them. So I am not excited about the possibilities, I am worried about them.

For now, I am going to try to focus on the work I already started. To commit to finishing what I am currently working on and bring that to a close before taking on anything that requires a lot of my time. Hopefully I will grow into the space and it will help me grow into a better artist and person and eventually this new shop will feel right.

Maybe having an open house and inviting my friends and other makers into the space would help me to see it differently and help me to start making positive memories.